Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
