mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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