I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
