You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
