It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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