Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
