I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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