Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Two words: nipple clamps
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