Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
you're hired as official boob wrangler
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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