My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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