I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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