Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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