THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
