My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
