I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
