We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I AM VODKA MAN
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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