my phone needs a breathalizer
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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