my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
