Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
