So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry about my life...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
