I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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