to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
