I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
