Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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