I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He felt like a one man threesome
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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