Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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