Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
