using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
