Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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