what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
