Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
