Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
