If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
