My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
