i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
