A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize