You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
