fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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