Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
