I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
