we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
