I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
