Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
