my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
