I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Houston, we have a blender
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
