Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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