this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
