All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
