my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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