A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
