Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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