Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
