So drunk its hurt
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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