if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
