I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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