my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
