I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just want nice things and good sex
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
