Can i not drive my cunt home
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
