I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
