the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
