my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
everyone is single if you try hard enough
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
