Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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