Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize