Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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