I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
