I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
