I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
