his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
