Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I currently don't understand fingers.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
