hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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